


And then he decides

by NebulaViburnum



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Character Development, Character Study, Confessions, Drama, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love Confessions, Multi, Mutually Unrequited, Psychological Drama, Psychology, Sorrow, Understanding, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-07-23
Packaged: 2018-02-09 23:06:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2001480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NebulaViburnum/pseuds/NebulaViburnum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto decides that maybe he should have a separate life from Haruka. And do things maybe a bit differently.  [inspired by a group of GIFs from Tumblr where they are together in the first TV series]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

...splashing from something akin to a wet dream or getting wet in the rain to having wet hands or waddling in water Makoto had an enlightenment. God, was it an enlightenment. Being enlightened is something very unique. Sometimes, it is unique. It is very rare for someone to be so sure at times of his life that he wants to change the course of it. The trajectory of it. Especially when there were no added pressures. 

At one point he was thinking of life, God and actually undressing when he felt a suppressed pang. Usually, he would think that he shouldn't think. On it. It was a category 9. But then again he hasn't always not ignored it. There were times that he became suicidal or had that thought. It wasn't so serious but it was because he had thought about it. It was not that he encouraged that kind of thinking or that he wanted to really do it. It was an act of desperation. Because nobody else questioned what else he wanted to do and at times he got really irked that no one asked him anything. He was just Makoto the happy one like some child's anime character, like some older version of Hamataro the hamster and that bothered him even more. Not to mentioned that because he seemed happy and kind that it was given that he was a non-entity almost; worst a non-sexual being. No, he wasn't critiquing asexuality. It was just that he wasn't an asexual person. He wasn't always happy go lucky. But no one really asked him anything. 

It started with a form of disappointment. Crawling on the skin like water. Making his eyes watery. Like him. It was then boiling water. Became palatable and palpable steam. The realization was a bit brutal.

He hate Haru-chan.

There he said it.

He monstrously hated Haruka Nanase.

Because at the end of it Haruka had always pushed him. At the end of it the "being on edge" graph was because Haruka had hid things from him or done things that were callous. It was an incendiary life, a phosphorous flashing life, a bug on flame life. He was started to hate it. 

And he was responsible for it too?

No need to avoid the four fingers. 

He shoukdn't have gone out of his way and be so, the correct word would be, dedicated. To things that have no potential requited rate. Haruka was one of them. Maybe it wasn't the calm of an understanding. It was something else. And he hated Haruka for that something else. Because that something else was Haruka's own and not his. He was just there to fill in the pool and Haruka can swin in it. Fuck you Haruka Nanase.

* * *

 

"If you have the option would you do both teams?" 

"Uh, isn't that kind of hard."

"I was hoping for your usual way of speaking of serious things."

"You mean analyzing."

"Yes, that."

"Its critically disadvantageous and somewhat impossible because of the social structure. You have so much academic work coupled with competitions and training for both. You may know theories but sports and wrtten work needs practice and that means a lot. A lot of ambition is put into it and your teammates will be very ruthless or disinterested I hypothesize if they know you don't have what they call 'long term commitments' and that makes your active part of anything feel that you are left out; disenfranchised in a way. The structure of athleticism in our current education spectrum is very monolithic as in one body of approach. It prefers one mode of art over another. We may be taught various things to a certain extent but mastery is usually administered or constructed to be administered to one discipline."

"So, that's a good way of saying 'no' or how a 'no' is so usually manufactured."

"Makoto-chan thank you for helping me with backstroke more." 

"I find that the backstroke can be hard because it is usually going against our usual way of incorporating things but so is the breaststroke as you are instantly swiping from two angles but the good thing is that you are in water and that acts like a propellant. To move faster; it's a good God given catalyst though I do also like flexibility on land." 

Rei looks at him. The smile. The same warmth. Or is there something? "Makoto-chan, why did you suddenly ask me —"

"Because Nagisa was persistent in showing you that swimming is a good sport and Haruka's freestyle antics got you inspired too. But you did like the track team. I saw you run. You are very good at it. So good that in an all-teams relay race while we were lagging you helped pushed us forward. That;s some God given talent there. I like that you are also doing something you are not as they would say classically good at."

Re blushed a bit, "I wasn't so marvelous at track. I had to work on it." 

But it was that smile that swathed him more. Rei felt uncomfortable. The smile didn't look very warm or not warm in the right way.

"Makoto, are you tired."

"If I was tired I wouldn't be helping you."

It was not mean or difficult. But the smile said he shouldn't push the matter further.

* * *

Haruka offered him mackerel. And he goes like, "There are more fish in the sea." and it was said with a lot of enthusiastic boredom.

Haruka looked surprised and said, "Well, I like mackerel."

"I don't, not always." Makoto smiled but then asked a bit disappointingly, "Do you have eggs or something in your house."

"Yes."  Haruka nodded with a smile of his own.

"Good 'cause that;s what I am going to eat."

While Makoto cracking the eggs and frying them into poached delicacies he looked a bit blankly at Haruka and gave with a lot of conviction a very true statement:

"I hate swimming."

Haruka almost dropped the red hot mackerel from the frying pan and looked very seriously at Makoto with full silence and concern, "Makoto."

"I just never really liked it that much. Nowadays I have begun to hate it. Because it's not really me anymore. I mean I hate it the way it was going. I love it partly but I don't really need that much water in my life. Especially a small tank with people in it. There is an ocean out there I am not really that afraid of anymore and I think I would like to do some more interesting things."

Haruka stayed quiet. 

"I know it's no use telling you this." Makoto looked a bit angry now, "You always don't talk and expect me to translate or telepathically know what you are thinking and what you aren't. Or, if you are fucking thinking _anything_ at all."

Haruka was speechless. But now he gasped a bit, "Makoto, I, I really don't know what to say. I am not, not very understanding." 

"When it's you, you are very understanding." Makoto started shaking and smiling at the same time, "You know how to fuck water but you never even try to get others around you. You do freestyle because it is convenient for you. And you. You! You!" Makoto banged the eggs and toast on the table shocking Haruka but also making him deeply nervous, "You even joined the medley because at the end of the day it suits you. Face it Haruka you are selfish and really deeply narcissistic. I can't believe that I care so much about you when you obviously don't! It's always me who has to do the caring like some kind of cuckold or repressed wife! And I am sick of it!"

Haruka was quiet. Then he gasped. Then silence amongst them. 

"I love you Makoto." Haruka was feeling a very shallow pool or a hollow well in him, "You are one of the most important people in my life. You are one of my best friends."

"But it never feels like that."

"I know!" Haruka looked intense, "I am sorry that I don't always get you or ask you things. It's not in my nature to understand so well."

Makoto got mad. Fuming then teary.

"I need to stay some time away from you Haruka. It's damaging me."

 


	2. water that I don't know anymore

* * *

 

Naturally, the size and weight can be elusive. And that is what needs to be proven. It isn't really an official sport but it was very dynamic, at times it reminded of water, the water that was watched so intently as they swam in it and played puddles then brilliantly went to attack mode out of nowhere. With their fluid mechanics of muscle expansions and contractions and regulated breathing. It was an art. It was both difficult and beautiful but for some reason. No, the reason was not essential anymore because now maybe but was there any? 

Then there was a grapple, but instead of the tackling down there was a spin and a small nudge near the ankle, the opponent too grabbed the dominant arm and attempted to flip or part flip but the movement was quicker and Gou got the young man down. It was funny because most people think that she was cute and a bit short and not so muscular built (yet) that she would easily be beaten but in this mixed martial arts course which comprised of Brazilian Jiu jutsi and standard Jujitsu with some judo tactics thrown she excelled. Probably, she used to admire muscles so much she knows them now also for herself and other opponents, male and female. And also she learned some basic body control from swimming. Watching others swim has helped her understand a lot more of body capacity though she had to practice them. When she first arrived they did easily make her fall flat. It was like weeding out. But now she realized that like swimming you need to be ironically grounded as in know what to do when. If you are too loose you are uprooted, too clenched on you might scrap and fall on your own. The main pivot is to read body language and know standing ground is also about not allowing little pushes to make you panic but to understand the challenge. She lost two after that. She was still learning. And first win giddiness can overexcite the body. The first loss comprised of her waist being pulled snugly at her losing concentrating and getting a return kick, on an ankle. The second loss was the art of pushing too much on her behalf making the young man push back but then easily push a lot harder making her lose balance. But then she quickly grabbed his neck, he thought that his neck was all she was doing, but she went for ankle then abdomen then ankle again and it was a bit fast to catch. The young man fell. There session was a tie.

Gou heard someone clap for her. 

It was Haruka.

He looked a bit different. His front bangs were a bit longer. And he was definitely a bit more cheerful. Well, she hadn't seen him in a long time except for the television. 

His face was pretty much the same; still lithe bit a bit more muscle toned. Maybe swimming in the nationals and competing in the Olympics once wasn't bad. Though he still swam didn't she hear from an angry Rin that he gave it up? It was funny. He wasn't bad at it but it wasn't that he was sensationally good either. Well actually he had momentum and stamina. He was not a sensation because though he knew how to be aggressive and get the bite on the competition tail he also was a slacker and she knew that he was. And then before it was over. Before he got a bronze and Rin a silver it was that he decided he had had enough. Rin thought he was finally ready to take that dive but Haruka complained that it was swimming that he loved and that the competition weren't always about swimming and he admitted that he didn't always like the pressure to perform. The coach has said that Haruka may have needed a bit more training and practice nor else he could also get a gold or silver but he was a bit reticent. It was like him top be stubborn that way. 

"Nanase Haruka the star of the Olympics." 

"Matsuoka Gou the martial artist."

"Is this about Makoto?"

"Not completely." Haruka smiled, "I do want to know about you first."

"Yeah well come along."

Gou left with Haruka while the young man looked puzzled, "I think we are over for the day right coach." 

The young woman nodded. "That's Yumi, I mean I call her Yumi and the guy I was sparring with was —"

"Nitori Van, yeah I know our Nitori's step-brother." 

"Yeah, older brother step-brother. His mother is German." 

Haruka gave a nod to the young man with greyish hair and faint yellow eyes. The man's face was more angular and pointed and so was his hair; he was taller than Aiichiro and was quite more stern than the his younger brother who may not have been over enthusiastic but was straightforward in being polite and amicable. Van was a bit more reserved and his ways of proceeding into things seemed to be sharp.

* * *

 

Gou decided to take a shower and Haruka waited as she changed but as the locker room was empty and no one was around they both sat on some of the benches. "You know, you guys made it to the Olympics and my bro still is an Olympic swimmer. But you stopped and maybe they won't take you anymore."

"I am not really worried about that." Haru smiled, a bit more brightly, 'I had my good share with what I thought was good with swimming."

"Haru-chan."  Gou looked a bit more worried, "Do you swim anymore?"

"Not that much." Haru confessed. His face had those flashes of being quite calm or then suddenly emotive. "I am busy at the flower shop and to be honest water in that quantity doesn't interest me anymore. It feels wrong. To be kept all in chains for the amusement of some medals. I really want to swim faster and better and feel more motivated in doing it. I feel that I have many personal things to deal with and being an Olympic swimmer is not really what I want to go for at the moment."

"Is it Makoto?"

"I haven't talked to Makoto since I was eighteen or nineteen years old. Now you are twenty-seven and I am twenty-eight. I don't think I should be stuck in trying to talk to him anymore." Then Haru smiled a bit, "Though he had reasons being angry with me, I don't know how to quell his reasons."

"I think, no, I know, that he misses you too." Gou smiled, "Probably because you are a bit different now Haru-chan and well he is probably feeling a bit different too." 

"Even if he misses me he is hasn't contacted me." Haruka grew glum, "And I can't chase shadows forever Gou-kun."

"That may be a point." Gou muttered and then smiled, "But maybe it is not shadows maybe it's just pool reflections. You guys are, to my knowledge, readying yourself for the water."

Haruka looked at Gou  with previously known emotions: a bit of a blank stare then a small smile, "Using swimming analogies?"

"You prefer I use Mackerel ones?" Gou smiled.

"You know that I hardly eat Mackerel either Gou." Haruka looked a bit away, it was a bit hard even these were not hardhearted confessions. It was just new. He wasn't used to confessing anything. Furthermore, he had learned by now that the minutiae and the details of what is called "small life" is very, very important. Those changing form a pattern, form waves of great tides that slam against ocean bedrocks and reverberate through cliffs and coves, even a beached whale or a limping dolphin may hear them. As usual, he couldn't help wondering what Makoto was like now? Sure, this thought was "pious"as in Makoto was never his abuser: the opposite, he was very much his comrade and his ally in all crimes and penances to himself and to others. Surely, Makoto may not want him anymore but, at times Haruka wanted him. Yet there was anger too. Tasted horrible than burnt Mackerel. Or a horribly fastened apron. Cooking oil burns hurt. Makoto knew the way he was. Surely, some other approach than ignorance and ignoring could have been taken. They were childhood friends for God's sake! What made him become snappy as a tortoise in heat?  But, possibly for him it looked like that. The crimes of oneself are not always understood so clearly until someone says that they were crimes against his/her person and he was not unhappy that Makoto  had expressed these. Rather, he was unhappy that he let them happen. Catalysed them. Made them complete. To make them shipwreck. It was a sad existence when good friends break apart and at times it takes years to stabilise. You get a feeling that you shadow or that something big in your tail fin, dorsal fins are missing. It's like a shark that forgets to swim from time to time and we know that it is very upsetting. It was not that Makoto hadn't cared about him. It hurt because he had cared a lot about him. At that moment, he had had been too selfish to care. He was arrogantly or rather ignorantly self-involved. And he realized that you can't going on having a relationship meant with another with yourself. It is more hideous than an ant bite.

"Yeah, you are trying different kinds of fish that's good." Gou was playing with his hair now, the front bangs though a bit more longer and shaggier suited him a lot, "You still did eat Mackerel but I saw your email; the decrease of it happened recently."

"I think I missed watching Makoto and hearing Makoto scolding me when I donned an apron and fried a Mackerel and got a bit late to occasions that even mattered to me." Haru actually laughed then sighed, "Punctuality is not one of my best traits."

"Yeah tell me about it." Gou pulled and pinched his cheek, "Oh you owe me Nanase calling you up or even coming and getting you out of bed like some of girlfriend; it sucks and especially —"

It wasn't really an impulse.

It wasn't really a fault. It was honest but a bit a sudden. 

Haruka slowly kissed Gou. It was not so deep, not classifiable as a peck and Gou just embraced him and he embraced her. 

"Gou, you started doing some of the things Makoto did and for that I thank you." They held each other and looked at each other peacefully, "You are always such a good manager."

"Haruka, if you think that's the reason." Gou's pressure on his back tightened.

"No." Haruka slowly nibbled on her nose, "I know it is different. For me it was different too. I am so stupid, see. Not so good at learning what others feel and know. But now I am wiser. I wanted to think 'like Makoto' at first because it was convenient for me.  But I am a bastard if I say I never got to know. I am sorry Gou."

"You are apologizing?" Gou pinned him a bit, she was very aggressive when it came to situations like this, not really erotic but a need to state and prove and to show control over herself even if the context was not so intense, funny, it was symptomatic of Rin too, her brother, there were really little doubt that they were siblings, "You know we already past that stage of reconciliation. I forgave you only for a bit because you were miserable. But I am not a replacement and I made you damn well sure that you knew it and got to know the definition of Gou, at least then." 

"I love it when you are like this." Haruka's smile was naughty and Gou actually blushed, but it was okay, Haruka was blushing too, "You are very persevering. You have good strength."

"Don't say like Rin." Gou looked a bit mad, "I don't really like being compared to my brother all the time. I am me you know." 

"On the contrary." Haruka smiled, "I was thinking dolphin not shark." He winked playfully.

"Dolphin?" Gou looked surprised; then playfully amused.

"Yeah maybe a different kind of dolphin, but a dolphin regardless." Haruka smiled. It was about this time that Haruka looked a bit worried.

"What's that face?" Gou touched him, it was endearing. It was endearing the way she knew how and when to touch. Haruka could never deny that she always had great instincts and empathy attributes. 

"You are not with Makoto at the moment are you?" 

A pull on the hair. Not too hard. But meaningful tug.

"You idiot! Do you think that I am so poor judge of character that I would cheat on someone so shamelessly!"

"Ow, Ow, yeah, you are not that type of person." Haruka stuck out his tongue a bit.

"Actually, you boys are the one who should wear inhibitors or something. If I was engaged with Makoto it is as guilty to initiate as it is to acquiesce." Gou hmphed and looked a bit annoyed.

"Uh, well, at the moment, I honestly didn't think on it." Haruka shyly rubbed his head, "I guess I was too into the moment."

"Yeah, swimming for excuses that's tantamount to drowning in this case." She punched him with a frolicsome gesture and ease. "Besides, I am never really was with Makoto and you anyway." 

This was one part that Haruka would say was really wrong. Both for him and Makoto. They were both very selfish. However, it was not like Gou wasn't. It was just that their selfishness was more hurtful. What Gou did was more as an act of elimination. Which one who looks for potential mates do anyway. With them it became more as proving something, both to themselves, each other and ironically to her too. It was clear at that moment. It was funny because many had said their attraction was borderline homoerotic. That may be the case or still be the case but that didn't gauge out that incontrovertible truth. 

They were both, equally or equivalently, attracted intensely to Gou Matsuoka. 

It didn't just happen. There was a history to it. It may not have some neat chronology or notes but as their Amakata sensei once mentioned you can do that in the aftermath too. As in when it is done or half in progress like painting or finishing a math problem. The problem was that because Makoto and Haruka were kind of focused on other things like Rin, swimming and each other they hadn't noticed it sooner. When they did notice it they had different responses. Haruka decided to not respond to it. It was in his nature at that time to ignore things he couldn't easily dive into (and as byproduct he did lazy getting to his training as a more abled runner who wasn't a fish out of water in land). Makoto was unsure how to respond but he maintained his friendship with Gou because he liked the comfortable way they interacted. But he was aware of that sweet tension. It trickled down on him like water after a swim (he could imagine if Gou were to watch his back or offer to give him a towel, issuing a slight mischievous rub before handing it to him). Gou was beautiful. He acknowledged that. She had a very beautiful face. It need not be plastic vibrant. Gou hardly wore much make up. But it did not always need to fresh, her features and emotions had a God-given glow and that punctuated so much at times in so little a space. Her body did attract but her eyes and face had this in-voluble density and that was pretty rare to find; at least to him. She was not so curvaceous but her curves had good accents in a good blend where and when it suited well with her frame. Like his own muscles. It was true out of all of them both Rei and he had the most defined muscular definitions. But as Gou had said once his accents were framed well; his curves and polishes were not overindulgent, they rippled and flowed and cranked with the body as natural flesh not added weight. She was saying the Rei's had a bit more rigidity to his and that was, what she guessed, due to being a bit rough or a bit less coordinated with himself. His weight placement had some irregularities that showed up on his muscles; the matter to her was not consistency or perfection. It was more functionality and creativity or malleability. Stiffness, even calculated stiffness, is not something she liked. She had actually said that to him once and then also, outrageously said that her brother and Sousuke had bits of that too, but Rin had it lesser and Sousuke had to fathom the tenacity of his arms because of it. Makoto was a bit fascinated how she track on their bodies. Despite her fondness this part was purely pure aesthetic and a talent to read body languages to a very high extent (well, he rated it that way) it wasn't really a sexual fetish here, she knew when to keep discrete and when to match up. Makoto admitted to himself that she was a natural judge. Of bodies and many a times of personalities. This was defined by the "coziness" in which Haruka, who defied the law that man was always a sociable creature, could actually approach her and talk to her. And persistently he saw that it was not frivolous speech (for Haruka had no PhD in small talk) but of deep seated issues. He could have a good level of intimacy with her. This made him at some points monstrously jealous. Here he was the amiable one, social interactive extraordinaire and the person who could communicate with iceberg Haru but had trouble talking with Gou. And that iceberg found a non-sink relationship with a Titanic — God, it was a miraculous event that had no precedent in the annals of Haruka Nanase. Sometimes how people were with other people could make you learn a lot about them, about given incidences. This was truly one of those times.

 Haruka wanted to ignore it. It made him scared; he couldn't easily talk to Rin so well even when they had been friends. At first he thought it was wish fulfillment. Gou was Rin's younger sister and he missed Rin so it wasn't really unaccustomed that he may have been associated Rin and Gou as sometimes the same people. He then admitted that he was stupid. Gou and Rin may have similarities but they were different people. Rin was more emotional of the two, sure more secure and more impulsive. He had more specificity of goals and knew what needed to be done ASAP; quick thinking but also a bit haphazard at times, a bit too forceful. Gou on the other hand was a ruminative person, she did not make prolonged judgments but she was less impulsive and less coercive and actually had more stamina. She thought quickly but a bit less on a standard platform; she was creative which was a downfall in any society that prefers a certain assortment of rules but being creative was a blessing. It was unexpected and could correlate the seeming uncorrelated. She had more ambition than Rin at times because as she had lesser set goals she preferred a more open, fluid space of opportunities or opportune accessibility. No one would have estimated that she would easily get into swimming manager position or even martial arts but she had done so and with good persistence and proactive build up. Haruka actually admired this. The ability to be free and apply freestyle in such a larger arena of actuality in the accommodation of life. Despite his love of freestyle he was more stuck in ordinary life. It sometimes bothered him that he could use different moves in freestyle but in life had to take smaller steps to understand things or even be in a position tweaked to a stability that did not require much thinking. He admired the free and the ordered in Gou.

Now as they were walking away from the gym where Gou trained Haruka did a quick glance at her. She wasn't appearance-wise exactly the same person. She was taller now. She had a more athletic built, more muscle intonation. Gut Gou was still cute and very beautifully so now; her high school appearance was a cuteness and a freshness, this cuteness was very colourful and actually a bit more energetic. It also coupled with an accented gorgeousness that people may get with age. And short hair suited Gou. It was a nice cut below the face and her it brought out her eyes more. 

Gou, without the knowledge looked at Haruka, looked at Haruka as well.  He was now taller. In fact he had gotten close to Makoto's stature. The colour of his eyes were ever luminescent but they had a darker ring now, something like a deeper pretty hue. It may be experience and age that sharpens that kind of beauty. His form was kept up, his triceps more well accentuated and his arms and forearms more muscular . His spine was more of a beautiful slant. His legs were more curvy now and so was his body. It had some lovely ridges but also a softness (like his maturing eyes). You can actually feel the surface ripple now and then like water. She had always thought that God made Haruka an embodiment of water. And there are different types of water so Haruka was getting to know them in him and that is how Gou always thought and liked to think. The longer bangs suited him because they looked like veins in water. Rivulets and tunnels of silhouettes and sunspots. His collarbones were also very nicely in an apostrophe and he had developed a cleavage that peeked out now and then made a jingle in her heart and belly. The rib cage had a boat's range very fully but knows when to recede and come out. Haruka had also a good dress sense in casuals.  He was wearing colours of water but at this moment his pants were maroonish and a bit darker gray. She wondered if it signified an expanding in horizons.

"Do you want to run with me, early morning?" Haruka asked.

"Yeah sure, but how early?"

"Just after the sun has risen and I can come to your house." 

"Yeah sure" 

It seemed at this moment, there relationship was cemented as its own. It was not a replica or a rival to the one which he had with Makoto. It had an independent call of waves to him. By God, he was thankful.  

 

* * *

 

It was this kind of Either/Or. 

Hell, it could be a Catch-22!

He either had to have Haruka or Sousuke. By now the idea felt incredibly non-palatable. Because it was going nowhere. It was being perfectly stupid.  With Sousuke the matter had become like a bouncing ball of either a high or a downcast low of fighting and arguments and the angry kiss and the rough lovemaking. It wasn't something that he liked. It was a roller coaster ride put on repeat put on by a ten year old and he was puking his guts out. Basically, Sousuke was lenient because he liked Rin and he too probably has his own Either/Or and that was something he settled into a bit too well. God! It was infuriating! It was fucking infuriating! How can he not be displeased!

"Rin, stop  being a jerk and a couch potato in training because that slender body of yours would atrophy if you suddenly stop feeding it your usual rigmarole of exercises and non-junk junk of swimming and warm-ups." Sousuke smile was a double edged sword — it could either mean what it was or that he was annoyed as fuck at you.

"I am quitting swimming altogether, it was my father's dream anyway."  And he put a hazy print full stop on that which Sousuke stomped and obliterated.

"Stop acting like a teen drama queen and get your goggles on!"

"I am not going swimming you jerk! arghhh!" They started a tug of war in which Rin with his boxers was dragged out into the swimming area of their house. Sousuke had done some side investments; his family was rich. They had their own pool to train in. Obviously, Sousuke would be damn furious of going through all that trouble has Rin emotionally constipated. And he threw Rin in the water!

The splash made Sousuke gratified. Like some climax. And then he threw the goggles at him.

"What the fuck Yamazaki!" Rin shivered, the last name basis was usually reserved for anger.

"I am not satisfied getting silver and bronze medals in the Olympics that I worked so hard for." Sousuke had clenched his fists, his hips welcomed them, "Neither did _you_ , you shark toothed piece of fuck!"

"The Olympics were yesterday!" Rin childishly splashed around more, in the direction of his lover with such indignation but all Sousuke did was keep his stance firm.

"Grow up Rin. Your life is not Haruka Nanase." 

Rin got a bit quiet.

The slowness of the  water, it's clinging ripples shuffling like some over-worn dress or shirt.

"I am sick and tired of your moping around him. I am your boyfriend and you clearly still have feelings for him!" Sousuke screamed and it fanned out like ripples too, the swimming area was canopied by a long sheet of decorated metal nor else it was on a rooftop and was open to breezes by long glass doors that could be closed in the winter and the water heated; now it was open and his voice rivaled a wind.

"It's not that Sousuke!"

"Then what is it!" Sousuke berated, "I mean coach Nakamura said that he is not committed to swimming as a sport. It is almost like an exuberant hobby to him." Sousuke mouth expressed disgust, "He isn't pro swimmers like us Rin!"

Rin sighed, then got quiet. 

The murmurings of water and wind gave conquest to a silence that was so trembling like pleasurable lips. It was needed — no, wanted — to be lost in these labyrinths of perceptions of half-baked, half-caramalised wants and their non-persistent goals. Rin had voraciously wanted Haru to swim. And he did. It was true that Haru lacked a certain conviction to be a sportsman. His adamancy  to only swim freestyle and his non-active knowledge over the other forms of swimming made him pretty insecure a pro-swimmer as a man about to drown in open waters. Nakamura despised this kind of flexibility because to him it was quite selfish; he called it obstinate, a bit dogmatic and a precipice of all things rotten. Yes, Nakamura admitted that Haru had a good talent, a natural talent at swimming. Yet he refused to really polish it. To actually break his limits. He was, what Nakamura said, capricious and that is what makes a team in-cohesive and lose what it worked for. Rin was not totally in denial. He knew what the coach said was correct. It was impressive that Haruka, with his whimsies towards such an activity as swimming whose sync factors where continually important, survived that long as a professional. It was magnanimous that the coach and the other teammates forgave him these discretions and indiscretions to a sport, an Olympic level one, where discipline was notoriously catered to and they intensely practised for. Haruka being noncommittal to certain rules and being centered around his own type of swimming was problematic to the foundations of the Olympic if not entirely contradictory. However, —

"I still think Haruka can be a good pro-swimmer." Rin confessed, after much rumination, "I am sure what you said is absolutely correct. He may not have the attitude or demonstrations of a pro. I am not gonna tell him to conform. Because I think certain types of nonconformist actions are culturally and structurally relevant to a sport and even to the Olympics' body. I do, however, agree that he has laggings and lacking. His mindset was fixated only on swimming and unfortunately or fortunately it came to him as a sport. I believe if he was in South Italy in some island or on another profession as a robust fisherman or even pearl diver he would be without a doubt a person complacent in his endeavours. However, the chance that God gave him made him a competitor and that is very viable option for him and I think it is wise that we help him attain that."

Sousuke looked at Rin. Rin may not be excessively talkative but he did have a certain fair in being eloquence at times in being perspicuous of his desires or thoughts. And this, at the moment, annoyed him. 

"I know that a part of you will always love Haruka Nanase and that it is discrete from what you feel towards me but..." Rin's eyes grew wide at the folded arms-across-chest of Sousuke, "I can't compete if it muddles you and us! I can't compete if it always gets in the way!|" the word 'compete' here was not in sports and Rin was shaking at the scale that it was specified to, it was so large and so poignantly volcanic that he was awe-struck at the temerity of its execution; for, it was true — wasn't he thinking of it minutes before? — how Haruka and Sousuke were a thin line of sex and lust and how loving one didn't needlessly abandon the other. It was not infidelity but it was opportunistic of an infidelity as it can breach a sign of confidentiality between couples. His love for Haruka was wet and glossy as the water in the ring; it nuzzled and spoke to him triumphantly as the clinging droplets on both throat and back. Even after condensation it appears like flickering coolness to his body temperature. His love for Sousuke was the water that washed after a swim, or the waters in the ring that stayed calm, they nourished him so well; it was wet and close as a body of unconquerable attachments. This is where there was thinness in the boundary. And these things do level to monogamity if the individual allowed them to. Because at the end of the day human beings may be polyamorous but monogamous wants and love triumph over that squelching residue of the poly-amour. This is what a diatribe or dissatisfaction on pluralism it was actually counter-banality because rhizomes and roots are multifarious in a person and being a cavalier of many romances is like a police sketch artist on a troll. Or, that is what he thought. At this moment he was unwilling to let it settle. He had other obligations non-erotic, non-sexual and non-selfish to Haruka Nanase. That was what agape was, right? Platonic needs of a friend. Not to mention he was a pivotal bi guy. During trysts he had makeups, makeouts and fucks or even making loves with women. Gou's friend was one of them and he ashamedly divulged to Gou that the recent rift between them could be because he slept with her at a time of quarrels with Haruka and the next day  when Haruka called apologetic he had left even before she had woken.

It was crude.

It was wrongdoing and so impolite. Chigusa had cried and he was responsible. When he apologized Chigusa slapped him and called him a straight basher and a hypocritical gay. That was very hurtful. Firstly, he wasn't fully gay because sex was her conjoined feelings he felt for Sousuke and Haruka, and that was phenomenal. Rin had no idea that heterosexual sex could be so rewarding as in feeling-wise. To him both types of sex somewhat agreed with him; heck, he will say it that at times sex with a woman was more pleasurable to him. However, to him he hadn't fallen in love with a woman like he had had loved Haruka and/or Sousuke so he didn't want to leave the emotional equation out of it or the emotional stratum out of it; it was pivotal to his thrusts, his hips needed that gusto to move. 

"Is Haruka always gonna come between us?"

"You know." Rin laughed a bit, slowly, carefully, "Haruka said the same thing; about you."

Sousuke looked a bit confused. But then did "hmmm"

"It's  me. Not you two. And no, Haruka is never coming between you and me. I will try my best to make sure that doesn't happen."

"But?"

"Know this Sousuke. I am not failing him either. My noncompliance to your desire to stop chasing him has more to do my attraction for Haruka. At times it makes that oblivious. Haruka is a good swimmer and he has the Olympic mettle. Let me see me for one last time, one last Olympic rote if he is capable of carrying himself at least with a substratum of agreeability and then I will leave it. I have my own life too. I do not exist for Haruka Nanase, nor do you or he exist to help me alleviate my sexual or sporty desires." 

"Well, then." Sousuke hands on hips again, "Don't procrastinate on it. I will help because when you are not mired in a stagnant ambiguity is what, or one of the things, I love about you." Sousuke smiled, "I didn't survive the elementary years with you both in age and romance to give you up as a brick in Haruka Nanase's wall of stupidities nor did I do this solely for you. My love for you both as lover and accomplice is not barbed around some remote check post of my penis getting an erection." Then more assertively, "Besides, you have other things to be worried about Rin, like that movie production. You have the chance to star as the star guy in the production of _Hard Boiled Wonderland and The End of the World_. Don't tell you are only going to do it so Haruka will talked to you more."

"No, I am doing that mostly because I want to —"

"So partly it's Haru—"

"— well, you do want friends to notice."

"Yeah, I had no idea you were a Haruka Murakami fan."

"I love reading his works. And I love Banana Yoshimoto. Those webisodes they are doing of _Lizard_. I said I was going to join the adaptation of 'Helix' as it was one of my favourite stories in the anthology."

"It's nice to see that you are going other places aside swimming or rather for the coverage of it." This time Sousuke actually jumped in the water — no longer there was an elemental isolation between them — "That Olympic coverage of your toned musculature and your dynamics in water makes you an ample feast for the eyes."

"Stop talking like Gou." Rin pouted, "I have an acting abilities in those films so I won or rather passed the auditions with exceptional merit." 

"Stop that pout or I will bite it." And he did, "You are acting like a jerk if you exclude your anatomy. It is quite a sight. Aesthetics in sports go well with many common aesthetics."

"Not really." Rin massaged his lips, "They almost did not want me in 'Helix' because they said I looked like an athlete and the character is a simple man. Maybe a bit toned and sexy but not so physical as me. But then I convinced them that I may be in the dark and that may help my chances as that the camera will focus a lot on our faces and limb-body language so Thank God my limbs are able to be slightly covered."

"But in _Hard Boiled Wonderland and The End of the World_?"

"Well, I mean, cinema is a suspension of belief. They won't be loyal to the novel. Cinema is known to be a lose dick and an orgy of inaccuracies. Unless it tries to map inaccuracies but even then to see a wider thing about humans is not a cinematic purpose. Not mainstream, anyway. You may even have an avantgarde depiction of _Hard Boiled Wonderland and The End of the World_ where my world as a mysterious nefarious may be digestible but not as a hero." 

"You are saying that cinema typecasts a hero who may realistically be a villain or a nefarious thing but in actuality the person playing the villain in some ordinariness may actually be a hero in real life." 

"Well, isn't that somewhat there in Saul Bellow's _Seize The Day_?"

"I hardly read American or English Literature Rin. It bores me. Especially those weird romance novels where the guy looks like some Greek deity and a ugly one at that. The Jackets make me sick."

"I was referencing a literary one."

"I hate those. I can't imagine them. They are so contextual or subjective. They bore me."

"I feel like that, ironically, when I was reading _Genji._ I hardly find historically Japanese texts alluring. They are tough for me to read. And I also feel that when I read Pynchon, an American writer, because his settings are very American. There are puns and words that hardly have a footnote so I had to buy an annotated version to pass one of his books. It is somewhat worth it but I feel his genius is limited by the boundaries of his own nation." 

"Maybe, in a semi-mass world such as the ones we are living in it is hard to detail one location or people forget their own geographies so people like rooted views more so than a flighty one. How paradoxical in a way."

"Still, I despise that. Even if it makes sense. Because for me writing should balance out, more or less, both 'universal' and 'local' views." 

"Kinda like Haruka hah so local in his Freestyle."

"Somewhat. Haruka is a swimmer so the esoteric of swimming or rather its jargon will be limited to swimmers. But yeah genius should expand if it can and has every opportunity to do so and the chances of it nor else its failure lies in complacency or narcissism of itself. How boring." 

"You are talking high stuff."

"It's common for us to talk like this. It's our thing."

"Is it a thing with you and Haruka."

"Yeah, but at one point it wasn't. Haruka had to learn to be more verbal."

"Is he quiet when he comes 'cause that is more boring."

Rin blushed, "Actually, I rather not say this but he is normal then."

"Well, that's good." 

"I am not saying anything else. Making love is a private thing."

"Yeah, I know." Then suddenly edging closer, "Like, how.." cupping face, smoothing hair, bangs twirling, "You and I are gonna fuck each other senseless right now and I will murder you if you ever say especially to Haruka." 

"Wh-What..?"

"My thoughts exactly. It's brutal but what I am about in this case." And soon his tongue entered Rin's mouth. It felt high and low, wide and small. It was Sousuke. Ever-hungry. But not rough. He put a ballerina's precision in that mouth. Like a slow twi8rl here proposed by a few tongue-feet there, edging and parallel to some width there. Rin had been seduced by the symmetrical dimension of that kiss. Both on the 3D load and also some 2D sketch then some wider 9th he wasn't aware of. In his mind he had to say something inappropriate. 

Sousuke knew how to kiss better than Haruka. Or, because Sousuke knows how to do it better compared to the time Haruka was with him. As he said, Haruka hardly knew how to translate feelings to body movements unless swimming metaphors were accompanying the text. Yeah, his genius, at that time, was thoroughly limited. 

The T-shirt was abandoned slowly. Rin, had his hands up, in perfect space, and Sousuke got rid of the wet garment. Eyes wide with a dose of both mischief and a genuine voice, he says, "We are going to take turns, with that seme bit and I am not going to take 'no' for an answer."

"That's my favourite way of doing it." Rin laughed.

Rin unbuttoned his belt but Sousuke stopped him. Sousuke started doing that so Rin decided to just uwrap the elastic band of Sousuke's short nice fitting boxers which boasted, oddly, a corny style of purple small-lined stripes against white soft cotton. It was really a beautiful thing to turn comedic patterns of lingerie to something sexually gratifying. Genius expanded right there. After all he liked cotton basic underwear to the wider excesses of Abercombie and Fitch or Victoria's Secret; this is what he liked on both men and women because he wanted them to be natural. If cotton was your thing go for it. Haruka when he wore boxers (not stealth swimwear) at times prefers lycra or something skin huggy because it reminded him of his bathing shorts. And ironically, he sometimes wore long lycra underwear in summer to compliment his swimming passions — oh, yeah Sousuke is here, no thinking of Haruka now, hmm, that was just his mind making inventory of underwear so Thank God it isn't like — nope, not gonna go to that.  

Sousuke penis was sub-erected. It looked nice and dark in the pool. But not like a tentacle Hentai (eww). It's half risen state made him feel really lustful. He pulled on it, a bit, at first it was a bit rough (not painful) but a bit well unrefined. Then it got its own individual rhythms and un-rhythms, and the success of it was the alert cock. At this time Sousuke was slowly making circles on the shaft and co. of Rin's male-below-the-belt region. Soon, he started tugging too and they both were paying attention — salute stance and all.

Rin decided he liked to go first. Sousuke didn't mind at all. Rather, he was conserving energy. Rin found Sousuke a bit too tight and unrelaxed. With apologetic eyes he made a nice, cosy time to be fully in the entry because he realized they been out of sex too long and it was mostly because of Rin being a jerk. Sousuke was not for angry sex. It wasn't him. In both feelings and swimming with the intercourse Sousuke, in his own way, wanted to harmonize situations and then go for it or when he could. If the chlorine in the swimming pool bothered him and he could have a say he would say it; if it was manageable he would then still swim in it but if it was available the levels should be nullified or added. With making love, he rather demolish the ugliness or try. He wasn't going to just give in. Maybe, at first, he would remain quiet. But then he would speak on it. 

Sousuke relaxed to Rin's cock. For a moment the water was still. Then it had some waves, slow but nice because Rin was not gonna be a roughhousing bitch. The pace was a bit prolonged but then desperation of the mechanical sexuality demanded quicker thrusts so he went with that. They were both sweaty and and moaning now. Rin a bit more than Sousuke. But Rin made sure to look at his lover. Sousuke did not feel affected by the shorter thrust range but Rin at a point, feeling hazy visioned, attempting some longer thrusts mixed in with the short ones. Had to take long breaths though to keep the banging in his heart at bay not to overpower. 

Sousuke felt Rin's shape and smiled. His sweet spots were being catered to and Rin occasionally slightly tugged on his dick. His cock was rampantly pitting out the clear -pre-cum. The bubbles in the water were the fading residue. His hips gyrated and complimented the gyrations by Rin (thinking how the pool had to be cleaned was a major halt at a time to their lovemaking, or from Sousuke, that sucked a bit) Rin looked a bit worriedly again but moaned louder feeling Sousuke push back with strength after that thought went away. Then some more. Making Rin cum a bit later like crazy. Screaming almost. Trying to muffle it because he forgot for a moment they were in open air. Sousuke had screamed too. His throat beat wildly but he narrowed it down; he didn't forget that the place was semi-open. Both panting. Rin closed his eyes. It was too much after too long. That is why it was less for him. Should he apologize? He scratched his head. Maybe, Sousuke knew that so maybe he didn't have to. It was a bit too quick for his own comfort.

Before Sousuke knew Rin had began again. Longer, skilled thrusts covering and being covered by Sousuke and Sousuke did not object. Rather panted out in a crazed satisfaction that Rin wanted more. Rin closed his eyes for a bit. Brought Sousuke near his face and felt his cock rub his belly and kiss, kiss, kiss like kissing was a 400m relay and Sousuke bit Rin's lips playful as an intermission between kiss. Both yapping Rin came again. Sousuke did not. Well, two more thrusts and he did.

Thirty minutes later Rin felt both his backside and cock feeling tightened as Sousuke entered.

The muscles rippled so beautifully. A toned orchestra and Sousuke kiss the back. They were facing each other though Sousuke paid attention to his lover's back. Rin panted as each thrust caught his body and like a net both were tangled. They perfected each other's rhythms and even if there were pitches and asymmetrical shifts it worked so beautifully that Rin's grunts, tongue-clicks and moans became big yells. Sousuke grunted here and there and lead big yells in a continuous pitch. Both of them were huddled in that lust and feeling.

After all it was done, for now.

Sousuke smiled at Rin's closed eyes and remarked: "C'mon  let's go inside."

"Yeah." Rin breathless, got his bearings.

Sousuke smiled: "So, it's gonna be bad exhaustive cleaning the pool but someone gotta do it."

Rin and he, broke out in laughter.  

 

* * *

 

 

The blinking light of the desktop and a small noise from the adjacent laptop made Makoto a bit annoyed. This assignment was pretty simple but he was struggling to do it and it sucked. Sighing, he decided to doodle or dwindle on random scraps of information. Like how Rin was said to star in that movie. Rin made him remember a  bit about Haruka Nanase. He hadn't talked to him in ages. He missed him, a bit. He was happy that Haruka and he were separated for a while. At times he missed Haruka. But maybe this independence, actually it was, needed and good. Studying abstract mathematics and business solutions was not imperfect for him. He was studying to try electrical engineering or rather how to be a teacher. At times, he thought, if might have had sex with Haruka. But then again maybe he wasn't going to. Everyone expected it and that is why it wasn't going to happen anytime soon or never because it was not unexpected. Expecting the unexpected was a good thing. Everyone stereotyped his relationship like a romance or a young love but it was more than that. They were companions, friends, who worked and lived together a life and that was so important. But no one ever expected them as that. He had once slapped, hard, on the left cheek of Nagisa Hazuki. Nagisa was making fun of their fight in his usual cheerful way and it became damn annoying.

Wham, It just happened. Nagisa cried a bit but then punched him and called him a jerk-off! Then for a year or two they didn't talk then Makoto apologized. He admitted that he was wrong to slap Nagisa. Nagisa confessed that it was wrong of him to make light of Makoto's feelings because Makoto had become distant and had eventually did a lot of things that Rei and he did not think off, nor Rin.

One was Makoto quit swimming.

Makoto explained that he liked swimming but wasn't into it as much as a competitive sport. Which was true. Unlike Haruka with his bubble-head he thought about these things. It was because of that bastard Haruka that he never could tell them. It was disappointingly vague their friendship; Haruka and he shared stuff but at one point he realized it was mostly on Haruka's pace and liking and that Haruka never realized it annoyed him even more.

"You are more matured than us you know." Nagisa actually said one day on a stroll near a bistro where they headed in to get coffee. "I think out of all of us you felt more, was sensitive, thought about things more intently. I think even Rin said this once that you attempted your best to be nice and understanding because that was the maturity speaking out. But we didn't grow up as quickly as you. We were adolescents still stuck on being kids. And, obviously, after a while, that is unnerving and scary and frustrating." 

Wow, Nagisa got the scary part of it? Wow. Really impressed Makoto looked at Nagisa: " Nagi, do you think I am a jerk?" 

Nagisa looked at him seriously, "Makoto, you are infrequently a jerk or becoming a bit jerky. Not because you are assertive but I think you don't know how to listen much anymore. That is not a good thing.  You are letting your frustrations overpower you."

Another Wow for Nagisa. He was getting him more than other people had tried. Both Rin and Rei even intermittently Sousuke, had cajoled him, chastised him, to make peace with Haruka.  But that was the thing. He wasn't Haruka's incarnation or storage pace. He was another human being. He was not existing for Haruka. His existence was not defined by Haruka. His existence was not merely defined at being Haruka's friend. He was Makoto Tachibana. And Makoto Tachibana was so much more than his associations with Haruka. That was frustrating. 

"Well, Haruka is part of this jerk Matoko." Nagisa laughed and smiled, "You are also very persistent in your frustration because you want to make a niche for yourself but also maybe balance a bit other things that you love. You are trying to be a person. We all struggle with it but you are struggling more with it because you feel more like a background person trying to break out from small soft patches of light. But don't let it overburden your personality." 

"Do I have a personality? I feel so much like a non-entity or just a guy who gets commercial coffee?" Makoto looked at the lip, it wasn't in cups, it was a small bistro and not a cafe. And it was regular coffee. So, it wasn't given a cup with a biscuit or with a caramel and honey drip (like Nagisa's one, with had a biscuit on the side, with two strawberry and chocolate doughnuts — yeah Nagisa still had this cravings for sweets but his diet was now regulated for these things were not everyday like twice a week thing because Nagisa realized the joy of rice and misao soup and long tempting noodles with Ramen assortments).

"You were always the headstrong one. You said I am persistent but sometimes I lose momentum but you have this good float." Nagisa smiled and munched on his donuts. 

Makoto almost felt like crying. To have a friend who didn't manipulate your feelings or make them ask you to behave how they felt like but told me truthfully what they understood and observed. God Blessed miracle. It was a God Blessed miracle to have that and he Thanked God that he did have that.

"I am sorry I slapped you Nagi." 

"That was ages ago, you idiot, stop making a dragging drag king-queen out of it." 

"Still, it was not good." Makoto smiled a bit sadly, "I was out of line. I was out of mind."

"It happens Mako, stop putting more tissues for the sobs and sobbing more." 

Makoto laughed, "Nagi, you know how to make me laugh."

"Well, someone ought to." Nagi  looked annoyed, "I heard Rin might be doing other things than swimming. But he has become distant." 

"Well, that's because he trains so much you know."

"His only proximity is sexual." Nagisa ate a doughnut,  his eating was now more nibbling at times, savouring, Makoto looked at it and remembered how Nagi had described decapitation/quartering an Iwatobi cream special — those ridiculously large (plus unhealthy) jam and butter creme subway sandwich, sucking it dry like a vampire. Makoto thought how odd it was that a highschool would cater to such large amounts of sugary stuff. Was a substitute to actually ask what people like. In a minute, Nagisa tore into the other doughnut like it was a baby gazelle — well, he might be viciously carnivorous after all only he might actually be in more control of it now. Adding to it its proper finesse and respect to others around. Nagisa looked, serious, "That's not good. You and both know this. Is a man only who he has sex with? Is a woman too? He is atomizing himself a bit. It could be you as well."

"Me?"

"Your break with Haru may have been a hairline fracture for him. It is too immense to understand at times you know. You screamed the reasons but at the moment or that one it was hard for all of us to understand. It was a very Mako-Haru thing you know. But Rin saw it beginning to crack the first time he dated Haru. It was a wreck a bit due to your severance. But then it was emptied out with the affection both of them shared. The second time it was just Haru and Rin-chan. I think Rin is a lousy bastard who should either settle that a relationship with Haru is going to be complicated but I think that is not the case — this could be, that their relationship has mitigated its possibilities. It ran its course. They are not meant to be a couple. They are meant to be rivals. Friends. I think Rin has better chemistry with Yamazaki anyway." 

"Rin is worried I won't be friends with Haru anymore." A bit annoyed, Mako utters, "Does it matter?"

"Well." Taking a drink, Nagisa nonchalant, "We were together for most part of our growing lives Makoto. We had problems but we adapted. I don't know if you can get over this. If not, we won't push anymore because this needs your mutual understanding with Haru. Though, we will be friends with both and so you two may have to tolerate each other in some occasions. Other than that, we have to wait and see, no?"

 

That was a week ago and Nagi was right.  Perhaps — ohhh! Didn't know! So upsetting. Possibly Haruka and he would never be the same. At least they can be civil with each other? 

"Senpai, you were so staring into space again." 

Makoto looked at Aiichiro Nitori, his roommate in his University, bring in some dry snacks and cool drinks (coffee, lemon juice, some bottled milk, etcetera) and start putting them away. "Aiichiro, I am sorry, I might have partly dozed off."

"I see you haven't finished your assignment. " Aiichiro smiled and Makoto gave a clueless but smirked face, "I have come back now we should complete it." 

"I can't  believe you are more studious than me Aiichiro-kun." Makoto drank some of the cold milk, he liked it, "Though I joined this undergrad programme later than you, you are better suited to it."

"So, shall we get started?"

"My head is not in the right place."

"What do you mean?" Nitori looked at the equations on a rough draft of a page in a spiral soft notebook with boxed papers, "This seems alright."

"The graph is all out of alignment."

"No, it's not. You just drew the x and y parameters wrongly. Y is factoids and you have to reiterate this x and y with variables. Then fuse all this in one mega-graph. You got your equations done."

"I don't want to experiment with the law of thermodynamics and the re-mapping classical mechanics."

"It's important you know this. It has segments in how new tech and old sockets are getting correlated."

"I might go for a swim."

"Wow, that's sudden."

" I need to clear my head. And thermodynamics isn't helping."

"Sure, but you haven't swam in a while." Aiichiro ate some packet Ramen noodles and drank some water, "Be careful. Don't be too long. You have to finish this soon."

"A part of your equation is wrong." Makoto pointed it deftly, his pretty index of the right, softly landing on paper, lark-like.

"Yaow!" Aiichiro looked upset, "Damn, back to the drawing board! Ohhhhh! Ufffff! The pain of these!"

"Now you see why I need to clear my head?"

"Hey buddy leave the equations alone. You just want to clear your head these guys may be taxing but I think you just being moody."

"Ok, Ok." Makoto smiled. "I'll try to come back soon." 

* * *

 

 

Seeing Haruka swim was still fascinating. 

He hadn't lost it.

Though his performance in the Olympics was choppy; it wasn't here. Though he was not so smooth. Lack of regularity or deftness showed. A bit too rough for a style it was obviously a shortcoming; a smoothness out of place also seen here and there made him think that Haruka was treating some water in some places as slippery marble. 

All he had wanted was to come to the public swimming pool near campus. What he hadn't expected was to meet Haruka Nanase after ten years and see him in his perfect genius. Swimming. 

"Makoto." Haruka had finished swimming and Makoto had not seen, "It's nice to see you." Haru smiled in a way Makoto did not remember. It was a new smile. But a bit reserved. And Makoto felt a large lump in his throat. Haruka was treating him as a stranger. "I best go now."

"Why?"

"Because I have finished swimming."

"Not for me?"

"Don't give yourself that importance." Haruka snapped, smile gone, a bit morose, a bit stern.

"What'd ya say?" Makoto challenged.

"You heard me. It's a opublic pool so I am not going to leave just because I saw you ok. You are a person. I can see you anymore." 

"You finally see me as a person."

"Yes, I do."

"Hurts to know doesn't it." 

"What, that you are a person?" Haru almost snarled.

"Yeah." Makoto almost snarled back, too.

The animosity between them was evident. Both realized this and just breathed a bit. Both did not know what to say. Makoto saw a Haru with longer hair, especially crisper, longer bangs. Haruka saw a Mako with longer neck hair that was tied in a short ponytail (a bit longer than Rin's). Both had gotten out the practice of talking and understanding each other. Everything needed practice; every kind of love. Even love, needed practice. They wanted to silently mouth some words, yet afraid they might start a fist fight too soon. 

"Can you cut this 'person' 'not a person' bullcrap." Haruka broke the china of silence, "I mean seriously, I apologized, I know I was wrong."

"Yeah, and?"

"What do you want me to say."

"What you really are?" Makoto looked intently.

Another pause. Then. CRASH goes china

"I won't say it." Haruka, snarling, clenching fists, "You want me to admit something that I am not not anymore! I was then a more reserved and very confused person!"

"That doesn't excuse your meanness towards me!"

"No, ok, it doesn't — but I was just so stupid. I wasn't wise as you. I was always under pressure. Everyone said prodigy-this and prodigy-that and from a young age I could barely speak properly. In water no one spoke. In water I could use my body and spirit to swerve and be fluid and water understood. Language in water is not restricted to words."

"Why make friends then if water was so sensational!" Makoto got livid, his fists furled and unfurled. 

"Because I knew water would not sustain; I am a human and would not abandon water heck even water never abandons humans. But had I got an A+ on human language and communication. No. I was still sour and confused by it. Always worried about Rin too. I was afraid to tell you things."

"You never tried."

"How, would, you, know?" Here Haruka eyes widened with rage. "Get off your high horse. You may have found out about Rin and me earlier if you just bloody pester me on it! But you didn't did you?!"

Makoto opened his mouth. Then closed it. His lips trembled. In anger. In acceptance. Haruka was right on this. No denial.

"You still were narcissistic."  Feebly said.

"I was. To an extent. I never pursued the cause of hurting you. I always, that period, was aimless, scared and damn confused. God knows that I grappled with much. I may have been quieter then but it was hard. Daily life came easily to me but there was a ever fast future and I didn't want to face it! I didn't want to be called a prodigy! I just wanted to swim and forget about it!"

"Then why didn't you tell me about Rin!"

"I was scared that I will lose you and Nagisa if I did!" Teary eyed, genuine grief. Makoto was speechless. "Don't you see you wise guru of selfishness! Rin stopped talking to us! How can I say it was me! Rin thought I was a bad person then! What if you guys thought so too! I was alone already! I didn't want to be more alone! But when Rin came back, Thank God he came back, and truly beat me in a race I felt exonerated from the weight I felt but then so many other things happened! I was more dumb than I was prodigious! I was more cowardly and insecure than you knew!" Wiping his tears, "I am sorry that I forgot to ask you things but I truly did not want to hurt you. I just didn't know how to act or move. I was quite a non-mature human being. Now I am getting more adept and more personality to my water tight me. It is making an ocean somewhere, Thank God, I am getting somewhere."

"I needed space." Makoto looked away for a bit then looked focused at Haruka, "My life was too much on you. It could be I was doing things wrong. But at that time I thought I should try to be my own person. Do my own thing. I cannot be counted just as your friend. I needed to live more independently." 

Haruka closed his eyes, "I respect that, I respect that a lot." Then putting a foot down (figuratively, though his body tremors), "What after that Makoto? You didn't care to call or know what I was doing? So I was easily tossed aside huh? You do know right that is just as narcissistic and selfish to the credits you pose me on!"

Makoto looked at the angered and hurt Haruka and realized that all his obstinacy had lead him into the trap. He is guilty now of the same crimes that he had accused of. "Haru-chan."

"Don't call me 'chan' or dare 'Haru-chan' me!" Haruka was furious, " You think staying away and ignoring my existence is helpful! Makes you more independent? You think I am a stalker, a harasser and an abuser! Well, I may have hurt you but if I abused you so did you! But I am not so evil to make credible total ignorance! You ignored me like herpes! Like the plague! I don't deserve that! I was genuinely your friend even if I failed a bit at it for my flaws! I was really your friend!"

Makoto started crying now. This time Haruka was right. "Haruka."

"No Makoto, I am through trying to seek your forgiveness this way. I may be joining your University but it's a fluke. It's not intentional. It's just easy commute and I don't want to mix with you anymore."

Makoto was shocked. But he didn't know what to do. For the first time, he felt a bit clueless like blank as Haruka had felt at times all those years ago when he was younger and feeling pressures of the world. They both did wrong. Perhaps Haru first, him later. But egregious behaviour was on both of them.

Was it too late now?

Haruka walked away. Confident in this gesture for now. Makoto stood alone. Both of them were alone with this feeling of failure. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know jackshit about electrical engineering syllabus so I made up stuff for the fic but I should research on it later. This chapter took time to write. It is 10,883 words long. I was so into it that I wrote it. Ok, about the Lemon scene (I come from old times when slash was also in use) I am really bad at writing them. I hardly know how to write explicit sex. But I tried. Also, I am going to be honest. This fanfiction is a bit complicated because Makoto and Haruka may or may not have sex. I don't mind the pairing but I want to focus on them as also characters of personal interests and traits; rebuilding their friendship and also examining themselves as people. I know "Free!" is popular also for sexuality, being an overriding plus point, but I don't usually write like that. I tried to show Haruka and Makoto and all the other characters vulnerable, angry at times certain at times not. To me raw sex is feeling based I don't always count it as pleasure seeking though it can be at times that but mostly to me it has many factors on it. So, I can't just have Makoto and Haruka fuck out of nowhere or possibly fuck at all because at the end of the day Haruka and Makoto are also good/best friends and I think that relationship has to be identified. Can they be friends again? Also making Haruka and Makoto solely gay did not really work for me because in the anime this polyamorous hint is very strong (bi-strong) and I wanted to examine that. Would I then explore Gou in a lesbian relationship? I might. It would be complicated to see if Gou ever had sex with Chigusa or a homoerotic fling with her. There might many types of sex in this as in not positions but relationship-based. I just think I must also look at the psychological, emotional, physical and abstract way these characters interact. 
> 
> But I really want to know what you think. Did you like the way I portrayed Haruka and Makoto? What do you think about the sex? Anything particular you disliked? Anything particular you felt you wanted done better or done more? Any questions about anything? — I know I need to probably polish the erotica more because I admitted my shortcomings in writing it. Any tips and tricks (hehe)? Do you want chapters to be shorter? I don't want to make the chapters so long so feel free to comment also on that. 
> 
> Please tell me ok. Thanks :)


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